It’s not your imagination. Hillary’s payroll is enlarging. New hire-ons of goons specializing in bulldozing noncompliance into submission are emerging everywhere, muscling people aside with menacing admonitions like “You better get used to saying ‘Madam President’”, as if in preparation for the inevitability of the presumptive one’s assault on the Oval Office.
Fine, whatever, the voters can decide that. Until then, let’s lay down some ground rules about naming rights.
Rule 1: Due to conflicting claims, the title “Madam” shall be co-owned by “Madam President” and “Madam of the Whorehouse”. This means Hillary must share equal billing with the house manager of the world’s oldest profession, who, under a principle of land law called “adverse possession,” has a much stronger claim to the title than Hillary anyway. If Hillary’s fine with that, then we’ll happily call her Madam all day and night every day of the week.
In the age of Twitter, brevity is key. Instead of calling her “Madam All Day and Night Every Day of the Week,” let’s shorten it to “Madam 24/7.” But why stop there? How about “Madam 31,” since 24 + 7 = 31. Or shorter still – “Madam 4,” since 3 + 1 = 4. Oh hell, let’s whittle it all the way down – “M4.” Like the symbol for the artist formerly known as Prince, “M4” is the handle for the pseudo estrogen-vessel formerly known as Hillary.
Having said this, though, Rule 1 forces into the open an insoluble conundrum, since calling Hillary “Madam” presumes she’s of the female persuasion, an arguable claim, given there’s little evidence to support this. Until empirical data arrives proving beyond doubt she’s derived of woman-ness, we’ll concede the point momentarily and call her “Madam V.I.N.O.” (Vagina In Name Only) as an alternative, about as accurate a title as any.
Rule 2: Titled vs. Entitled. There’s a difference. “Titled” means having been given a name for something, like a book (“The DaVinci Code”), or person (“Captain”). “Entitled” is different altogether. Nobody’s entitled to anything, except maybe food, safety and shelter – a birthright in a very narrow sense for everyday peeps, or in a broader sense as royalty in European monarchies where rulers ascend to the throne by right of birth, and not popular vote. Maybe Hillary’s GPS is faulty, or she flunked Geography, but this isn’t England and she’s not entitled to the Presidency. End. Of. Conversation.
Rule 3: Titles are signs of respect, by the way, earned through achievement and valor, not deceit or brute force. Respect is two-way, too. Hillary can call herself the Handmaiden of God for all it matters, but as long as she treats us commoners like low-watt knuckle-draggers, we’ll call her “Lord Ass-Witch.” Sounds like royalty, anyway.
Three pretty good rules we can work with. How ‘bout you, M4, or Lord Ass-Witch, whoever you are? Waddya think of dem rules?