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From the folks who brought down the World Trade Center

  

Woody Hayes, legendary football coach at Ohio State, was known for a play-style characterized as “Three yards and a cloud of dust,” a running game that cranked out short bursts of yardage, rather than the jazzy choreography of 60-yard passes.

 

A few yards here, a few yards there, good enough for Hayes to pile up a 205-61-10 record at OSU, along with 13 Big Ten conference titles and 3 national titles.  Not bad for short bursts.      

 

Hayes’ career ended long ago but his style won followers.  A far-away regime with dark visions of world domination was impressed by Hayes’ sense of industry.  They borrowed heavily from his play-book and embarked on their mission, beginning with reshaping the face of America.  While their vision was grand, success was guaranteed by fastidious adherence to Hayes’ teachings – a few yards here, a few yards there – and the world would be theirs. 

 

A shooting here, a bombing there…an assassination, a threat…the WTC bombing in ’93, the U.S.S. Cole blast in ’99, an unprecedented display on 9/11…and mosques where monuments belong.  Each event not a victory, but a short burst gaining ground.  And they’re piling up yardage.  The U.S. is fertile soil for Islamic colonization.   

 

Far fetched?  Nope.  Thanks mainly to Hollywood, NPR and Joy Behar, a new breed of idiots is helping transform America to reflect the influence of a new breed of fanatical overlords.  A news article last week is testimony to their progress:

 

"Girl pulled from game over concern about headscarf. 

 

"A 12-year old Muslim girl in Maryland was forced to sit out the first half of a basketball game by a referee who said her headscarf was a safety risk.

 

"Seventh-grader Maheen Haq of Hagerstown was allowed to play the second half wearing a hijab after being granted a religious exemption.

 

"The school sports administrator says the girl's parents must provide a letter stating the headscarf is part of their daughter's religion and accept responsibility for any injuries.  She defended the referee's action.

 

"A spokesman for the Council on American-Islamic Relations said there are hijabs with tear-away strips designed for sports that the girl could wear.  He said cases like these can usually be solved with cooperation from both sides."

 

"Hijabs with tear-away strips?"  Thirty years ago this was grist for a John Belushi comic routine on SNL.  Now it's reality at the free-throw line.

 

Not to worry, for America's future dazzles with promise, and nowhere does it dazzle brighter than commerce, where McDonald's, the company that never misses the chance to jangle us with jingles, delights with a new refrain "Goat-meat McNuggets – praise Allah, we lovin' it!"  Or popular culture, with edgy new venues like "Bowling for Burqas."  Or sports, where beheadings bump baseball as the national pastime, and the 7th inning stretch stretches farther to accomodate the evening call to prayer.

 

There you have it, sports-fans, the face of games to come – from the folks who brought down World Trade Center, one story at a time.  You lovin' it?

Looking to have sex in all the weird places

 

The internet is ideal for research, even better for wasting time.  It was, as you might've guessed, predictable for me to stumble over this thread:  weird places where people have sex.  Not sure how much of this is bravado, but here’s a sampling of alleged venues:

 

While hanging upside down in gravity boots

Inside an M1A1 Abrams tank while on training exercises

In a rowboat next to a herd of grazing cows

In an elevator during a power outage

At the zoo in an empty cage next to the orangutans

Inside a coffin in a hearse on the way to a cemetery

In a department store display window

On a vidcam during a business teleconference

In a hospital O.R. between surgeries

 

And last...On a bed.  Of nails.

 

Oww!  Who's the "moaner?"  Why, the one on bottom, of course.

 

Mahmoud, you got nuthin'

 

Hmm.  10 a.m. CST.  The day has arrived.  Where’s Mahmoud Ahmadinnerjar?  All this advance hype and barely a peep from the world's most deranged mutton-muncher.  I hate it when people are late, so I pass the time and let my mind sort through the dastardly stunts he might pull:

 

Exposing himself during the opening ceremony at the Winter Olympics?

Giving first dog Bo a cardigan with no leg-holes?

Teaching MSNBC’s Chris Matthews the F-bomb word in Farsi?

Making a guest appearance on reality show “I Can’t Believe I’m Pregnant!”?

Not a good idea to encourage lunatics to show their stuff in crowded places, but if nothing’s in the pipeline soon, he owes us a refund for wasting our time.  Mahmoud, you got nuthin’.

 

Boggle me, please!

 

“Boggle” is one heckuva mind-game!  It keeps the mind fit and agile, increases verbal skills, defends against illiteracy, stomps pidgin texting and helps deflect senior moments.

 

And fun, too!  Imagine the excitement when encountering a simple word like “PEAR:”

 

PEAR – a scrumptious fruit

PEA – a scrumptious vegetable

PARE – to peel or slice

PAR – equal to

ARE – verb, present indicative

ARP – proper name for French painter

APE – a simian; to mimic

APER – one who mimics or apes an ape

EPA – acronym for government environmental agency

EARP – proper name for gunslinger named Wyatt

REAP – to harvest

REP – approved short form for “representative”

EAR – device for listening

 

and last, my favorite

 

RAP – hard on the ears

 

"Boggle!"  Buy one today!  And remember - the language you save may be your own!

 

The Theta Paradox - Chapter 1

 

Meet “Delta Ray,”  robotic escort at the "Pleasure Pier," an erotically themed amusement park. 

 

Delta Ray and Pleasure Pier share a common bond:  they exist in the mind of their creator, Ernst Von Hornyus.  Von Hornyus is the madcap owner of “Xcapades,” an R-rated virtual reality empire.

 

Pleasure Pier is Von Hornyus’ brain-child.  The project details include players “Voluptua Lipzenhips,” “Hardonis Adonis” and "The Tostada sisters,” who're locked in Hornyus' neo-cortex.  All await the realization of his grand vision.  Realization is the key to release.  For some it will be soon.  For others?