2011 began well enough.
When John Boehner pried the speaker’s gavel from Nancy Pelosi’s cold, grasping claws, wise-minded folks lapped in the wind-stream of ecstasy. Revelers filled their lungs with gulps of much-needed fresh air and chanted “Ding Dong the Witch is dead!” Pelosi’s fetid aura slithered into the La Brea tar pits, her grating cackle went silent.
Then 2011 went weird.
No one imagined life without the Dragon Lady would be so desolate and empty. The same wise minds who rejoiced only moments earlier, were ill-prepared for moments later when the daily fix of her comic drivel dried up. They entered “The No-Pelosi Zone,” otherwise known as addiction withdrawal. And it wasn’t pretty.
Fortunately for Pelosi-addicts, there are 12-step recovery programs to steer them safely through the agonizing stages of withdrawal.
Big government stepped in to help, too. The feds set up facilities where addicts can get Rx's for Pelosi-type substitutes to quell their anxiety during withdrawal. These are called “Wasserman-Shultz” clinics, and just the other day the president introduced the clinic spokesman, Congressman Schultz herself.
“She has a cute smile,” Obama said, “…and you want her in your foxhole.”
Uh, no, actually we don’t. What we want is to get through Pelosi-withdrawal, painlessly, if possible. So bring it, Debbie! You’re the man!
Pelosi had big shoes to fill, but if the loopy Marxist drool dribbling down Schultz’ chin is any indication, there aren't any feet so big that her mouth couldn’t accommodate them. Don’t worry, she’ll do fine.
And so will we. Fire in the fox-hole! 2011 just started looking better.
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